Yep, you read it right. Last week I drove to work in my thongs and it ended in disaster.
For those of you from the USA who read my blog, I know, I know… and yes, I was driving to work in my thongs – two of them – and when I got there I realized I had no shoes on!
Confused? Don’t worry, so was I!
As everyone in my life knows all too well – I am a complete shambles at the best of times. I fall over, run into things, accidentally tell strangers that I love them, forget how to get home and vomit regularly. However, in recent months, I had been reaching all new levels of coordination and things were going swimmingly.
No longer was I the bitter, sarcastic blogger who dated psychopaths and had an unreasonable fear of fake hair… As I said to another blogger several months ago, it’s hard to blog sarcastically when you’re happy with life… (and yes, contrary to popular belief, I had been getting out of the house at that point in time!)
Alas, it all came unraveled when I wore my thongs on the drive to work on Thursday. I had stayed at my boyfriend’s house, which sends me on a total different route to work and it was one of the first really warm days of the year, so I had just thrown my thongs on at the last minute as I ran out the door, not thinking much of it. I’m someone who avoids shoes at all costs, so I always keep a pair of work flats on the car floor for everyday use.
Unfortunately I didn’t think much of the fact that I had sent my car in to be serviced either, and the car that I had borrowed (strangely) did not come with a pair of emergency shoes on the passenger side floor. So, to cut a long, dramatic morning short, I turned up to work with no shoes, frantically yelling out to a colleague across the carpark something along the lines of ‘My shoes! My shoes! No shoes! No shoes! OMG! Shambles! HELP! HELP!’ while waving both arms frantically in the air…
Ah, you know that look of panic people get as they desperately think of a way they can pretend they don’t know you? Yep, that look is ALLLL too familiar for me!
So half an hour and one trip to Kmart later, I had a pair of $8 shoes making my feet sweat and I was back on track. Or so I thought…
This morning, I took the same route to work. I was back in my own car (spare shoes and all) and for a Monday, the day was looking fine. About half way through my drive, I switched my handsfree thingemy on in case I got a call, as I’d thrown my bag somewhere in the back of the car and had no chance of reaching my phone if I needed it.
Beep… Beeep… attempting to connect… no phone found… attempting to connect… no phone found…
After a small panic, I ran into the office, waving my arms in the air like a madwoman. My colleagues have come to await the daily drama that tends to signify my arrival, so there was an air of anticipation as I ran into the office yelling ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got my shoes! I DON’T have my mobile phone but it’s going to be OKAY!’
Being a Gen Y girl and lacking the ability to memorise a single phone number since about 1999, I had no idea what my boyfriends phone number is. So I called myself. No answer. Redial…
Yep, oh shizz indeed! But we had a plan, boyfriend would drop phone to my office at lunchtime and I would buy him lunch, which I did. I was all ‘sit down, get comfortable, let me buy your lunch and drink and prove my gratitude for you driving halfway across Melbourne for me…’
And then it fell apart…
In an effort to be super helpful and after I was clearly told the squeezy ketchup sachet wasn’t opening, I insisted on having a crack at it and with all my strength, attempted to outsmart what was, I swear, the most complicated condiment packaging ever made.
Unfortunately… the ketchup won…
We were both covered. As was our table, my bag, the entire pile of napkins on the table, the chair next to me… and the random stranger sitting no less than two metres away from me.
I spent the entire afternoon pulling pieces of dry, crusty ketchup from my ponytail and fringe while randomly bursting out in fits of giggles.
I took it as a sign I had been neglecting my blog.
The universe has spoken. I will blog more.
I will also stop wearing thongs in the car… Except on weekends and public holidays.
And possibly also eating ketchup.
Also – I’m still scared of fake hair.
Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhh! I just sat down to write a post and realised that – shock horror – I haven’t posted since 5 June! 5 JUNE! I’m not even joking! Fail! Fail! Bad terrible blogger! How will I get discovered and have my life story turned into a made-for-television movie acting like this??
I have so many posts planned to write and I’ve been sitting here, staring blankly at the screen unable to finish even one of them. So, to get myself back in the blogging space I have decided to FINALLY pass on the Beautiful Blogger Award that was kindly given to me last month.
The guidelines are as follows:
- List seven random facts about yourself
- Post a link to the blog of the person who nominated you
- Link to seven other bloggers who are deserving of the award
- Let those bloggers know that you have nominated them
So, seven random facts that you don’t know about me already…
- I just scored some sweet-as pink flamingos for my front garden, which are currently brightening my life. How COOL are they?!?!?
- I HATE winter and am struggling as this is the first full winter I’ve had in a long time. I mean full as in I’m not chasing warmer climates this year, unlike most! Nope, no trip to New York this year… or Hawaii… or anywhere… two more months. TWO MORE MONTHS and it will be over!
- Earlier this evening, I deleted someone from Facebook who I had been meaning to delete for ages. I’m not a Facebook hussy and like to keep my friends to people that I actually don’t mind sharing my life with. This person was not one of these people. It’s a long story.
- I haven’t cleaned my house for WEEKS! True story. I can sense your judgement and I’m committed to cleaning it this weekend!
- My favourite city in the world is New York. Nothing beats summertime in NYC!
- I desperately want to go to India. Like, soon. Like, desperately! Like, for serious!
- I might have cooked my dogs a steak for dinner tonight. Hold your judgement.
Post a link to the blog of the person who nominated you:
The lovely Jennifaye! Yep, go check out her blog! She writes much better than me AND she doesn’t abandon her followers for five weeks in a row… eek!
Link to seven other bloggers who deserve the award:
- http://raisingmyrainbow.com/ – If you haven’t read this one already, do it now!
- http://pithypants.com/ – why branch out on my recommendations when they’re so funny?
- http://catherinebuday.wordpress.com/ – The tips for a summer day took my mind of the crappy weather for a moment…
- http://searchingforagentdalecooper.wordpress.com/ – Okay, so I haven’t read this properly, but it’s a blog dedicated to Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks!
- I’m out of suggestions, so I’m sticking with 6!
Let them know they’ve been nominated – I’m on it!
Woo hoo! Real post coming soon, I promise!
So today I was nominated for the Beautiful Blogger Award by the lovely Jennifaye. Yay! Although this reminded me that I had also been tagged by nosugarjustspice WEEKS ago and I totally forgot! So, I’m starting with the earlier tag and, if I have time, will roll right on through to the more recent one!
First up, the one I am going to refer to as ‘Blog Tag’, has the following rules:
1. You must post the rules
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
4. Tag eleven people with a link to your post
5. Let them know you tagged them
And the questions posted by nosugarjustspice and my answers are:
1. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done in the last year?
Ooohhhh, quit my job, which I did just a few weeks ago! Exciting times are ahead!
2. Favourite 80’s movie?
Girls Just Want to Have Fun!
3. Do you still have toys from when you were a child?
Yes, and sadly some are still in my bedroom. I just can’t let them go and keep telling myself that they’ll mean so much to my kids when I pass them on (note – I have no kids and don’t expect to have any for quite a while still!)… except Sealy Lorne, who is my number 1!
4. You’re being sent to Biosphere 2 for a year and can only take one person, who would it be?
Hmmm… only for a year? Would I have any means of communication with other people? Argh, I can’t decide!
5. If you could be a member of the opposite sex for a day, would you?
No way! Haha!
6. Is there anything in the area surrounding you right now that could be used to fight zombies in the apocalypse?
Yep, a MASSIVE aerosol can of Fudge Skyscraper hairspray.
7. How many alarms does it take to wake you up of a morning? (It takes me 5)
Two alarms, which start at 7.15 and 7.20 and keep getting snoozed until about 7.50-8am. I HATE mornings!
8. Hollywood is remaking your favourite movie ever and wants you to play your favourite character from that movie, which movie is it and who are you playing?
Amelie and Amelie!
9. What are 5 terms/names/etc you wish you had never heard and could be removed history?
The first thing to come to mind is too horrid to share, but I had to ask blogger Lyndon Keane to translate and we both regret googling as soon as we had done so… no further comment on that.
Second, third, fourth and fifth would be babe (as in people refer to each other as this), moist, Hugh (as in the name, because I can’t pronounce it) and… Mash (just the mention of it makes me feel sick)!
10. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve done when drunk?
Oh, there’s way too many to narrow it down… In recent months projectile vomiting all over my luggage and the hotel room floor would probably be the worst of it.
11. If you could wake up tomorrow and walk into your dream job what would it be?
Professional world traveller and gazillionaire 🙂
And eleven new questions:
- What’s one city in the world that you’ve always wanted to visit and why?
- What is your biggest fear?
- Have you ever seen a ghost?
- What is your guilty pleasure?
- If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, what animal would it be?
- Are you a dog or a cat person?
- If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
- What’s your favourite song of all time?
- When you were young, what did you plan to be when you grew up?
- Chips and salad or roast potatoes and vegetables?
- If you won a million dollars, what would you do/buy first?
And the eleven blogs that I tag are…
- www.frugalistablog.com (for her great Kristen Stewart impersonation)
- www.simonandfinn.com (the baby mouse deer made me cry :()
I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I do!
Okay, having just done this one and with seven more blogs to nominate, I’m going to take a few days to complete the Beautiful Blogger Award! Phew!