Tagged: Marat Safin

Are You Insane? Let Me Guess How You Found My Blog… And a Little Bit of Blog Love Too!

Okay, so this week I am being totally boring because I’m having bloggers block and my attempts at writing my next post are not getting me anywhere! So I have decided to take the opportunity to respond to a blogging award nomination and also share some random nonsense, to justify this as a REAL post for the week!

So, when I can’t finish any of the gazillion drafts sitting in my blog, there is only one way out – to write a list! This week I have mainly been inspired by the weird and slightly disturbing search terms that have been coming up on my blog, but also by the many other blogs I have been reading and what I have learnt since I started blogging just over two months ago. The following are the top ten of these:

1. People, or more specifically, people who write and read blogs, are awesome and they brighten my life!

2. They are also sometimes insane… as is evident in the following search terms which have led people to my blog.

–      Tenis player not wear pant – okay, I guess I was asking for this one with all that talk of Marat Safin and his flood pants, but seriously, who were you hoping to find?

–      What is hi fives porn – If this is something that exists (and by the number of referrals, I’m guessing it does), I can guarantee this is NOT something you will be finding here. Move along!

–      Eating my ex on the couch – I’m fairly certain I do not ever want to meet you…

–      High five? Potato – If this was ‘high five? Mashed potato’ I would assume you were my arch nemesis. Alas, I have no idea what you were hoping to achieve. High five? Potato!

–      Ecards about stupid people – I think I have Googled this exact search term, let’s be friends!

–      What is the fear of high fives called – Oh. My. God! I am not alone!

–      Potatoes with cotton buds – I’m confused. Why does the potato have cotton buds?

–      I can count to potato – Good for you!

–      Women crapping – I am not even joking!

–      Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair – Wow, you have a way with words. I suspect you may be the reason for my fear of high fives…

–      You call it madness but I call it love – Yes, and I call you insane. Have we dated?

–      Green balls – I think you should get off Google and get to the doctor… Now!

–      What is this shitload of mashed potatoes day – I think I had a nightmare along those lines just last week… a whole day of being chased around by a giant plate of mashed potato with legs… it’s all coming back to me…

3. I am not alone in my pug love – Yep, my blog has received visits from people using 31 different Pug search terms so far! Some of my favourites are ‘pug with backpack’ ‘thank god it’s Friday pug’ and ‘pug true love’. I feel my heart warming just reading them! This is from one particular morning several weeks ago:

4. WordPress is my friend – It’s true. I’ve actually found I spend more time with WordPress these days than with most of the people in my life. It makes me happy!

5. Twitter is not my friend – Also true. I Tweet… I get sweet nothing back… but I shall persist….

6. I wish I was cool enough to have a Facebook page for my blog – Alas, I am not, but I shall continue to sit back and silently envy those of you who do… Sitting there all smug in your popularity…

7. I want to start taking photos for my blog – I’m making this one of my missions in life. Having broken my iPhone camera and with minimal chance of lugging my SLR around with me each day, the likelihood of this happening is slim to none – so I’m aiming to post one photo I have taken by the end of 2012. Achievable? Achievable!

8. www.someecards.com is a sarcastic bloggers best friend – Seriously, the best resource ever! And they’re FREE!

9. There’s a fairly good chance I will fail in my attempt to blog every week of 2012… although I remain 100% committed to trying my hardest!

10. Blog awards are great for the ego – and a great excuse for spending an entire day reading other blogs… And on that note:

The rest of my entry today is to accept and pass on a little blog love with four (yep, FOUR) awards rolled into one… I don’t even know how this happens and am slightly overwhelmed, but I’m going to go with it and see what happens!

So, first and foremost, many many thanks to No Sugar, Just Spice for nominating me… in perusing your blog I see we share some embarrassing old music tastes… well, taste, I should say… I’m not at the point of publicly admitting to such a thing, but just for you *ahem*:

“Have you ever stood outside a picket fence… you’ll see through… but you can’t get to the inside… oohhhhhhh!”

I still remember all the words… how embarrassing… let’s never mention this again!

So, the awards are:

  1. Mrs. Sparkly’s Ten Commandments Award
  2. The Sunshine Award
  3. The Candle Lighter Award
  4. The Liebster Award

To roll all the questions into one, I’m just going to answer EVERYTHING in one go and then nominate those blogs I would like to pass the love onto.

So, here goes:

1. Describe yourself in seven words.
Small, Energetic, Loyal, Passionate, Impatient, Blunt and High-Pitched (although that’s kind of eight!)

2. What keeps you up at night?
Blog writing!

3. Whom would you like to be?
Noone, really. I’m pretty happy just being me.

4. What are you wearing now?
Tracksuit pants, a hoodie and my ugg boots… exciting, I know!

5. What scares you?
Mice and Horses.

6. What are the best and worst things about blogging?
Best: Interacting with other bloggers and getting feedback on my posts.

Worst: Writing a post when I’ve given myself a deadline. I always leave it until the last minute!

7. What was the last website you looked at?

I was Googling the lyrics to the song quoted above… I can’t believe I actually second-guessed myself!

8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

 I  guess being a bit more tolerant to stupid people…?

9. Slankets, yes or no?

I think you mean Snuggie… and I would go with a no.. except on little kids and dogs, have you seen the dog snuggie? So cute! I wonder if there is a photo of a pug in a snuggie somewhere out there…

Oh. My. God…

10. Tell us something about the person who nominated you.

She sorts her fries by size. True story.

11. Favorite Color:

Blue.

12. Favorite Animal:

Dogs, Elephants and Seals.

13. Favorite Number:

4

14. Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink:

Sparkling water.

15. Facebook or Twitter:

Facebook

16. My Passion:

Travel

17. Getting or Giving Presents:

Giving

18. Favorite Pattern:

Pattern?? Weird question… any of Cath Kidston’s floral prints?

19. Favorite Day of the Week:

Sunday

20. Favorite Flower:

Lillies

And ten blogs to nominate:

http://theghostlife.wordpress.com/

http://undomesticatedhousewife.com/

http://beetleandswan.wordpress.com/

http://brookeandmckenzie.wordpress.com/

http://nevercontrary.com/

http://susielindau.com/

http://imnotfamousandneitherareyou.com/

http://livenerddierepeat.wordpress.com/

http://disseminatedthought.wordpress.com/

http://learnmesomething.wordpress.com/

Yay!
And to make up for this poor excuse for a blog post, I present you with a pug, to brighten your life!
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I Would Never Date a Boy Who Wears Flood Pants

In the past, I have had a habit of setting criteria for what kind of guy I would date. My original list was written after escaping my first psycho boyfriend and consisted of about 20 criteria that a potential date had to meet before I would even consider them.

Me being a Stereotypical Nerd.

As a result, I was single for 3 years.

I eventually decided that I was restricting myself with the criteria and got rid of them (no doubt in some dramatic fashion such as lighting a candle and setting them on fire, as you do), but as the years rolled on and I started to encounter more than my fair share of crazy men, I introduced, revised and deleted numerous criteria for who I would and wouldn’t date, always with good reason.

The criteria have, at various times, included (I assure you there is a true story behind every one!): No facial hair – no smoking – must have stable job – must have any job – must be a tradie (followed quickly by) – must not be a tradie – must not hate women – must wear pyjamas to bed – must have siblings – must have good grammar – must be able to differentiate between there, their and they’re – must have a degree – must have a passion – must make more money than me – must make a grand gesture – must be good at fixing things… Needless to say, I’ve gotten a little carried away with it at various times and I’ve occasionally needed a friend to remind me of who I should and should not actually be dating.

For the past few years I have been living an almost criteria-free life and it is actually working out well for me. I enjoy dating, and although I’m still a disaster, I’ve come to appreciate the random experiences and life lessons that it can bring. And really, as long as you still have both your kidneys at the end of the evening, it can’t have been too bad.

Alas, my criteria-free life came crashing down the other day when I realised that there are still some things that are not negotiable, for example – I will not date a boy who wears flood pants.

I was walking through Flinders Street station over the Christmas break when I got stuck behind a guy wearing a pair of beige flood pants. It wasn’t particularly warm and it was most definitely not flooding and the sight totally threw me.

I am definitely not someone who judges men for how they dress, I actually wouldn’t know what is fashionable for the opposite sex if it hit me on the head, however until last week I thought we had been freed from the clutches of such a horrendous clothing item in the late 1990’s.

Now, let me reiterate that I am not talking about rolled up jeans, they are a whole different kettle of fish, but straight leg, chino-looking material man-pants that finish above the ankle.

Being short, I’ve always had a slight fear of this ridiculous excuse for clothing. Flood pants on me are simply pants that don’t need to have 3 metres cut off the bottom of them to fit, but they never look quite right and I don’t condone flood pants on anyone, let alone a potential date.

I did a little Googling on the flood pants phenomenon and was shocked to discover that there are actually two different types of flood pants, short pants and long shorts, according to Urban Dictionary:

1. flood pants
Pants that fall around the ankle. Often called high-waters/ high waters as well. This refers to the fact that you can wear them when there is a flood, or “high waters.”Wow, those flood pants are so cute, but your ankles must get cold during the winter…
2. flood pants
Shorts so baggy, they look like short pants, the kind you would wear if a flood ever came to town. Usually sported by cholos/gangsters/white boys living in the hills.*Yawns and wipes out eye-boogers* Today, I feeel extra cholo. Besides my XXXXXXXXLLL plain white tee, bandanda, and new tatoo of my name placed on the back of my neck, I think I’m going to show off my new flood pants to the homies and hynas.

Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flood%20pants

So which am I against? If I’m against both, does that equal two new criteria as opposed to one?

Further Googling led to a realisation that flood pants are actually favoured by cyclists as they don’t get caught in their bike pedals and that Hipsters, backpackers, tennis players and even Pirates are also quite fond of them…

Having realised that I might just have unintentionally set criteria eliminating half the male population of Melbourne, I decided to stop. I felt like my criteria-free life was being challenged and I needed to re-assess the situation.

Maybe flood pants have a time and a place in society… I mean, I can’t judge a flood pant-wearing Hipster when I’m still confused as to what exactly a Hipster is, right? And would I really say no to the chance to go on a date with a pirate just because his ankles were showing? Or not accept that I am, in fact, destined to marry Marat Safin just because he might like the odd pair of floods?

I considered changing my criteria to ‘I will never date a boy who wears flood pants without good reason’ but I think this is only going to cause me further confusion. So, I guess I’m staying true to my criteria-free life.

I accept that I may one day date someone who wears flood pants…

Having said that, I may also date a pirate and/or Marat Safin… and just like that, the future is already looking brighter!

Just don’t get me started on Meggings… I would NEVER date someone who wears meggings!